Scared of Lonely

By Carlyn Spangler,

Alone…a word many of us are scared of.

The word “alone” can conjure up many feelings or images, such as peaceful, quiet, dark or cold.

No one wants to go through life in solitude. We long for that partner to hold our hand through the darkness and lead us into the light, but what if we are with the wrong person?

Should we stay with someone because we are afraid to be on our own, or should we take that leap of faith in order to find that perfect fit?

Dating can be like trying on a pair of shoes. You’re looking for the perfect fit, but what if that shoe you want doesn’t come in your size? Do you squeeze into a shoe, thinking that you can make it work? Do you sacrifice happiness in order to satisfy an image? Or do you realize that wearing shoes that are too small will cause discomfort and instability, whereby you will eventually land flat on your face.

Now, what happens if you’ve found a great shoe that you really like and it “fits,” but it lacks the sparkle and appeal of a “new shoe”…what do you do? Do you take the chance and buy a new pair?

Your old shoes are familiar and you have broken them in, but something attracts you to this new shoe. This new pair grabs your attention, even though you may have never imagined yourself in that type of shoe before. You think, perhaps this shoe will be a better fit. You give it a try; to your delight it fits like a glove…no effort, no pain, just comfort.

Stepping out “in faith” into something that is unsure can be terrifying. The uncertainty can hold people back from doing what is best for them. Fear can either hold you back, or drive you to change. Should I stay in a relationship because I am comfortable and secure, or should I follow my heart and wait for a better fit?

Why do we stay in relationships when we long for something more? That is a question many of us have faced at one point in our lives. At what point do we realize that the shoes were in just do not fit?

Being afraid of being alone can hinder people from finding what is best for them.

I believe we can get stuck in relationships because we are scared of the unknown. That fear can ultimately keep us from finding the perfect fit. We are comfortable with what is familiar. We are scared that we may lose forever what we have, and we are scared that we will ultimately be alone.

This fear holds us back, and we may lose out on something special because we are scared of lonely.

About Jimmy Spencer

Jimmy Spencer has extensive experience in journalism and new media. As the founding editor of, Spencer combines his writing, reporting and editing skills to produce a "pretty good site about midtown." During the day, Spencer covers government and also covers the NBA. At night, he watches T.V. and plays on the Internet. Every now and then, he walks around his midtown neighborhood. Spencer began his professional journalism career with The Sacramento Bee, finishing his tenure with the McClatchy-owned newspaper in the new media department. Spencer moved to Connecticut where he continued his growth in new media as a writer/content producer for NBC Sports. Spencer also worked in media relations with the Sacramento River Cats, Minor League Baseball Triple-A affiliate of the Oakland A’s. Spencer graduated with a Bachelor of Arts degree in journalism from California State University, Sacramento where he served as Editor-in-Chief of The State Hornet campus newspaper. Spencer was raised in Marin County and currently lives in Sacramento, Calif. Spencer works in the community as a high school basketball coach in the Sacramento area.


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Posted by on May 16 2011. Filed under Dating, Relationships, SMT Featured Stories, Top Stories. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

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