Intervention: The Trix Rabbit

By Cory Hunt, SacMidtown.com

Dear Trix Rabbit,

We don’t talk about it very much, but you’re like my younger sibling.

There’s no way that I can repay you for teaching me to dressup like Girl Rabbit to best Elmer.  Your disguise expertise saved me from getting shot more times than I can count.  I’ve always wondered why you made me dress up like a super slutty chick instead of just a regular old human since Elmer wouldn’t have recognized me either way, but that’s a discussion for another time.

Your Trix dependency has been a part of who you are for a very long time.  You’ve traveled the world to eat Trix, you’ve dressed up in countless disguises and even organized a national advertising campaign to ensure that you satisfied your Trix craving.

When I call you, I hear the crunching in the background.  Whenever we hang out, all you want to do is eat Trix.  When you keep going into the garage, I know you’re going to your hidden supply.  At this point, I’d rather spend an afternoon with Daffy.  Daffy, who can’t talk without spitting.  Daffy, who I have convinced Elmer to shoot multiple times.  I find him more tolerable than you.

To be totally honest, I don’t get the addiction.  I’ve had Trix and they taste like sugar coated turds.  Have you ever tried any other cereal?  Froot Loops? Captain Crunch?  Pretty much everything takes less crappy than Trix.

As a bonus, when you eat Fruity Pebbles, there aren’t some annoying kids coming and stealing it from you.  I’m pretty sure Fred actually encourages you to eat his cereal, rather than withholding it like some kind of sadist.

Is that what appeals to you? Are you into S and M stuff?  I should have guessed that you have more to address than your Trix problem.

Anyways, I can no longer stand idly by and watch Trix suck the life out of you.  We’re here to offer you help.  Will you accept our help today?  That’s what I’m supposed to say, right?

Love, Bugs

Short URL: http://sacmidtown.com/?p=1154

Posted by on Apr 25 2011. Filed under Humor, SMT Talk. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

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