I’m So Excited!!

By Cory Hunt, SacMidtown.com

Girls, what is up with using exclamation points at the end of every sentence?

I don’t get it.

“Hope to see you there!” or “Sounds really fun!” don’t need exclamation points every single time you say them.  You do not need to exclaim every sentence in every email.  Exclamation points are supposed to be used after an interjection or exclamation to indicate strong feelings or high volume.  I know that you have a shrill, loud voice in real life, but you don’t have to translate it into the written form for me.

Honestly, I can tell the gender of a person simply by reading two sentences of their email.  We all know that if someone is excitedly writing about how they’re going to celebrate their “birthmonth” or some other quest for undeserved attention, it’s a lady at the keyboard.

Here are some actual examples of unnecessary exclamation points from women I know:

– I’ve finally gotten all of my pictures posted on Picasa and organized!

– I haven’t seen Katie since her birthday party!

– I’m planning on hanging out on Thursday as long as I don’t have to work!

I recently had a friend who updated her Facebook status to, “ahhhh…relaxing!!”  That makes no sense at all.  You’re so chilled out that you are going to scream about how calm you are?

Sometimes, the exclamation point comes at the end of an extremely long sentence, which I am not sure how one would even exclaim it in normal conversation.  “As it turned out, the couple that we asked to dinner were Americans who went to law school at Santa Clara University and know one of the girls I worked with this summer at the law firm I am starting at!”

Imagine if these chicks actually talked like they write.  They would need to be on crack to keep up that kind of energy.  They’d be even more annoying to talk to than they are now.

In their defense, women aren’t the only ones who misuse the exclamation mark.  TV shows like Jeopardy! and terrible movies like Moulin Rogue! throw it in at the end of their names for some unknown reason.  I can forgive Moulin Rogue! because the whole thing is idiotic, but Jeopardy! is supposed to be a show for smart people, not dumbasses who don’t understand the simplest rules of grammar, like your name doesn’t deserve an exclamation point all the time.  I could understand if it was like, “Look out, here comes Jeopardy!” because warning is a proper use of an exclamation point, but using an exclamation mark for simply saying the name seems a little overboard.  We’re not all that excited every time the subject of our favorite TV game show comes up.

I think I might steal from Jeopardy! and just add an exclamation point to my name.  Cory!  That way, people will always seem really pumped to see me.  It will make it very hard for people to whisper to me though.

Also, this one is for the ladies, as well as anyone under 20, take it easy on the emoticons.  If you have more emoticons than sentences in your email, it makes me feel like I’m trying to decipher hieroglyphics.  I know when you make fun of me that it’s a joke.  I’m not going to get upset if there’s no smiley face after.  You’re living a lie.

If you refuse to take my advice, at least use an emoticon that’s appropriate for the occasion.  Don’t tell me you have to go work out followed by a guy winking unless you’re not really going to work out.  A wink is supposed to be like, “I say I am working out, but we both know I’m going to cheat on someone or steal something.”

Please, please, stop putting LOL after things you say.  That is stupid.  It’s bad enough to laugh at your jokes in real life, but you don’t need to let us know, in writing, that you’re doing it.  If you are saying something funny, LOLing or putting a smiley face after totally ruins the joke.  If you have to do it, at least make sure there’s a joke involved, not, “those banana prices were outrageous! LOL”

The real killer is when you put an LOL after an emoticon.  “See, you can tell I was joking by the smiley face, but I also want to make sure you know that I think my mediocre puns are hilarious.”  Just thinking about it makes me want to punch you right in the mouth.

I searched my email for emoticons and “LOL” for this joke and I literally came up with hundreds of emails and chats.  The crown jewel contained three smiley faces, an improperly used winking face, two exclamation points and an lol at herself in a mere four sentences.  I was not impressed.

Short URL: http://sacmidtown.com/?p=561

Posted by on Mar 1 2011. Filed under Humor, SMT Talk. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

8 Comments for “I’m So Excited!!”

  1. Bethany Hill

    I’m so excited that I just can’t hide it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:););D…LOL

  2. Betty

    Sooooooooooooooo true!!!!! You realllllllllllly pegged it!!!! (You forgot the extended words!) This really made me LOL. (wink, wink) Heart you. Smiley face.

  3. Marc

    You’re an emoticon.

  4. Kit

    Ohhhhh Corrrrrrry!!!! 😉

  5. Kit

    I didn’t even put the emoticon. It just appeared when I posted my comment LOL

  6. Cindi

    I think you should change your name to Cory!

Comments are closed

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