Mario’s New Year’s Resolutions

By Cory Hunt,

1)   Stop hanging out with girls who are constantly “getting kidnapped” for attention.

2)   Donkey Kong has caused far more damage behind the wheel than his cousin ever did climbing buildings and knocking down planes.  Never let DK drive on Rainbow Road again.

3)   I never thought there was a worse way to make money than playing in poop, but I’ve reconsidered after smashing my head on things for coins for over 20 years.  Get back into plumbing.

4)   Help Link stop dressing like a gayer version of Robin Hood.

5)   Start being a decent father to Baby Mario, which means no more letting him drive cars, ride Yoshi or slaughter Goombas.

6)   Get rid of the white lab coat, stop handing out pills, and quit telling everyone I’m a doctor.

7)   No more making Danny Devito Twins jokes at Luigi’s expense.

8)   Forget about the Sega-Nintendo beef and reconnect with Sonic.  Make sure he knows that Tails is not invited to anything ever.

9)   Potty train Yoshi.  Luigi’s Mansion will no longer be filled with dinosaur poop.

10)  Find a Coinstar machine, trade all these stupid coins for some scrilla.

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Posted by on Jan 3 2011. Filed under Humor, SMT Talk, Video Games. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

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