Dogs for Vick

By Cory Hunt,

There’s been a lot of talk lately about how Mike Vick is rehabilitated and is some sort of animal rights champion.

He even wants a dog … as a pet, not to kill or fight anything like that.  In all honesty, I’ve become somewhat of a Vick fan, even after his season-ending interception.  To reward him for all of his efforts, here are five dogs I would gladly let Mike Vick have.

1)   Dog From Duck Hunt

This dog is basically the worst dog ever.  I hope someone shot the crap out of him with a light gun and he died a slow painful death and I never see him again.

In case you weren’t an avid Duck Hunt player, let me explain.  Every time you shot all the ducks in the round, the dog was your best friend and even retrieved the ducks, holding them up proudly, apparently impressed at your ability to hold the gun directly up on the TV and scrape it around without being caught by your parents.

Then, when you got to the crazy rounds where there were several ducks on the screen moving way faster than normal ducks do and, understandably, you’d miss a couple; and he would turn on you just like some kind of backstabbing cat.  Right when you were at your most vulnerable after failing to kill a duck, this asshole dog would start laughing at you.  He wouldn’t even try to cover it up, just stood up and started giggling right in your face.  Vick can do whatever he wants to that dog.

2)   Tinkerbell (Paris Hilton’s Dog)

Look, no matter what you think about Michael Vick, he’s clearly a better person than Paris Hilton.  I’m confident he’d be a better pet owner than her too.  He wouldn’t make the poor dog dress up in stupid outfits or ride around in a purse.  He might feed it to something or throw it around like a football that would end with it dying, but being “cared for” by Paris Hilton is a fate worse than death.

3)   Odie

For some reason, I was always intrigued by the comic, but I never particularly liked any of the characters.  They all kind of sucked.  John Arbuckle is lame and annoying, Garfield is fat, lazy and entitled, and Odie is incredibly stupid.  The thing that Odie has going for him is that he’s basically indestructible.  Garfield would throw him off of tables and it wouldn’t even faze him.  I’m willing to bet that he can take whatever Vick can dish out.

4)   Scrappy Doo

Vick and Scrappy have at least one common interest: fighting dogs.  Scrappy likes to be in the ring and Mike likes to manage, so it’s a perfect match.  As a bonus, it’d be nice for the gang to meet a black guy that isn’t a member of the Harlem Globetrotters.

5)   Old Yeller

Dude, the thing has (SPOILER ALERT) rabies, so who cares what happens to it.  What’s that?  A mad dog in the ring isn’t a good idea?  You’re right, he probably would beat the crap out of Scrappy Doo.  Ok, you make a fair point, so I take it back; it’s a no on Old Yeller.

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Posted by on Jan 14 2011. Filed under Humor, SMT Talk, Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

1 Comment for “Dogs for Vick”

  1. Louboali

    when you mention the name Michael Vick everyone knows who he is and what he has been thru and where he is at now but when somebody mention the name Cory Hunt nobody knows who your are and you dont make millions by trying to bash Mike Vick. Get an new hobby dude

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