Can’t Lose Me …

By Carlyn Spangler,

Me, myself, and I … in the end, that is what we are left with.

We have to look at ourselves in the mirror and hold ourselves accountable for the decisions we have made. When it comes to relationships, many of the choices we initially make are with good intentions.

We never immediately set out to change the other person.

The honeymoon phase often blinds us to reality. After all, we’re enthralled with one another and immersed in romance and love … attached at the hip with eyes only for each other. However, that phase will eventually transition into a different chapter, and then the ultimate question will surface. The question being, am I with him or is he with me?

“I am with him, he is mine.” Those words make me cringe. I understand the idea of being proud of your significant other. I understand wanting other people to see your love, but why do people have to put their identity into who they are dating? As if your “mate” somehow makes you a more important person.

My observation in the dating world is that more and more people rely on their relationship to define them, rather than letting their own merit define their true identity.

When you are seen as a “pair,” many of the other person’s attributes will soon be associated with you. This doesn’t have to be a negative thing as long as you maintain your own identity and self-worth. Look at Batman and Robin, Timon and Pumba, and Yogi and Boo Boo. Not one of these pairs would be viewed as the same, but rather opposites who bring out the best in one another. They are a team; however they still have their own distinctiveness and their own character.

I know many people who are so consumed with their relationship that they lose their uniqueness. They become so obsessed with their mate that their routine changes, and soon so does their interaction with the outside world. What they used to enjoy doing while being single has now changed into what “he” or “she” likes to do.

A healthy relationship is one of give-and-take. You will accept flaws and mistakes because that is what makes one unique. You will join fantasy football and he will watch Gossip Girl. You will cheer for his team, and he will pretend to root for your Dancing with the Stars Team. You shouldn’t have to change who you are to appease someone else. A person should stay true to themselves and not lose their character or integrity in the process of maintaining a relationship.

“Me, myself, and I” is who you are. Why would you ever want to lose your sparkle or your individuality? You can’t be owned by another, and you should never let someone else define you. Why would you ever want another person to be your sole identity?

Think about what makes you shine, and it should be something in you, not in someone else. You define yourself and at the end of the day that is all that really matters.

About Jimmy Spencer

Jimmy Spencer has extensive experience in journalism and new media. As the founding editor of, Spencer combines his writing, reporting and editing skills to produce a "pretty good site about midtown." During the day, Spencer covers government and also covers the NBA. At night, he watches T.V. and plays on the Internet. Every now and then, he walks around his midtown neighborhood. Spencer began his professional journalism career with The Sacramento Bee, finishing his tenure with the McClatchy-owned newspaper in the new media department. Spencer moved to Connecticut where he continued his growth in new media as a writer/content producer for NBC Sports. Spencer also worked in media relations with the Sacramento River Cats, Minor League Baseball Triple-A affiliate of the Oakland A’s. Spencer graduated with a Bachelor of Arts degree in journalism from California State University, Sacramento where he served as Editor-in-Chief of The State Hornet campus newspaper. Spencer was raised in Marin County and currently lives in Sacramento, Calif. Spencer works in the community as a high school basketball coach in the Sacramento area.


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Posted by on Dec 16 2010. Filed under Relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

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