10 Things You Didn’t Know About Santa’s Workshop

By Cory Hunt, SacMidtown.com

1)   Santa hates anything resembling a union, so elves aren’t allowed to join the Lollipop Guild.

2)   The elves eat almost exclusively reindeer meat.  Supposedly, Blitzen tasted the best.

3)   The elves aren’t actually dwarves; they have that Gary Coleman thing where they’re short because they’re malnourished.  Interestingly enough, they still have no idea who Willis is.

Photo by Kati Garner, SacMidtown.com

4)   Santa won’t share his cookies with anyone.  You probably could have guessed that one.

5)   The elves still spend the majority of their working hours making train sets and crappy wooden blocks. If you’re going to have a sweatshop, at least have them make something people want, like Abercrombie jeans or Ikea furniture.

6)   Santa made more selling Rudolph’s nose on the black market than he ever has in a single Christmas.

7)   The Abominable Snowman used to work as a consultant for the workshop, but was let go after sexually harassing Hermey The Misfit Elf.

8)   The elves tried their best to send all Hannah Montana paraphernalia to the island of misfit toys, but Santa vetoed their decision after hearing “Party in The USA.”

9)   Santa hates Christmas music, with the obvious exception being James Brown’s Funky Christmas.  In fact, “Santa Claus, GoStraight To The Ghetto” convinced him that poor people deserve gifts too.

10) No matter what Fox News says, Santa doesn’t really care if you say “Happy Holidays” or “Merry Christmas.”

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Posted by on Dec 13 2010. Filed under Christmas, Humor. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

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