Midtown Musings: Running Ballot Diary

Midtown Musings, SacMidtown.com

Running diary on me filling out my Official Vote-by-Mail Ballot/Balota Oficial

Governor

Wow, six candidates for governor? I must have missed a few ads. …

Who votes against the Peace and Freedom Party? It reminds me of Johnny Saudelstein, who won the 1989 student body president election as a member of the Ice Cream Sandwich Machine In The Cafeteria Party. …

I just feel bad for candidates who run with the Violence and Communism Party. …

OK, I need to rush through this. I have a Fantasy Football lineup to set. …

It can’t be good for Meg Whitman, being the last of six candidates on the ballot. Nobody gets lazy and starts filling in the (D) bubbles on a multiple choice test. …

I love how the ballot gives you three nuggets of information on each candidate: candidate’s name, candidate’s party, candidate’s profession. There it is. That’s all you’ll need to know.

Can’t we make exceptions for some people?

JOHN SMITH
Democratic/Partido Democrata
Attorney/Abogado
… Pssssssst, he also kills people

Secretary of State

Let’s vote on Secretary of State solely based of candidate’s professions: aviator, civil rights attorney, small business owner, voting rights advocate, community volunteer or secretary of state. Geez, it’s a toss up between the person who flies planes for a living and the person who is already secretary of state.

Controller

Karen Martinez has “retired “ under occupation — retired, as in, “now that I’ve spent every ounce of energy I have on this earth, it’s time to relax, sit back, enjoy the fruits of my labor and “retire.” Or just go into politics. What’s the difference?

Treasurer

This is the job that you think will be cake … until your first day. OK, new treasurer, here’s the deal. We have a state where everybody wants crazy expensive things and they always put it on the ballot and pass it. So we have to give it to them. Unfortunately for you, they don’t want to pay any taxes and there is no way to pay all for the crap they want. OK, buddy, figure that one out. I want that report by noon!

Attorney General

I wish we could vote on surgeon general, solely for the campaign speeches: “And I ask you this, America! Do you want the teeny-tiny warnings on your cigarette cartons or alcohol bottles to have run-on sentences and poor word usage? No!!! You want someone who can deliver straight, direct warnings that specifically tell you the possible effects of downing three 40s of Steele Reserve in an hour! Yes we can! Yes we can!”

Oh the surgeon general, always with his warnings. What a Debbie Downer, huh? What qualifications do you have for this position, sir? Well I love telling people that horrible things might happen to them if they have fun.

Insurance Commissioner

Wait, we have an insurance commissioner? So you’re telling me that not only do I get screwed over royally by insurance companies, but I also pay the salary of a guy who’s sole job it is to make sure I don’t get screwed over royally by insurance companies?

State Board of Equalization

I think we’re at the point where we should be allowed to have Google with us in the voting booth.

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Posted by on Nov 2 2010. Filed under Humor, News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

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