A Whole Lotta Cheese

By Lindol French, SacMidtown.com

$20,000.

That’s a whole lot of cheddar.

There are a lot of amazing things that you can do with that kind of money.

Here are a few of them-

-You could buy 2,228.4 lbs of Tillamook Vintage White Extra Sharp Cheddar Cheese.

-You could buy six pounds of really good marijuana.

-You could live like a king in South East Asia for a year. Or two. Three?

-You could buy 20 MacBooks, and donate them to local schools. Or keep em, whatever.

-You could pay for the flooring in 10 Habitat for Humanity homes. Or 13 front doors and a low flow toilet. Or 200 kitchen sinks.

-You could pay my rent for 28.6 months. (please?)

-You could take a semester in Patagonia with the National Outdoor Leadership School. 80 days of wilderness training, mountaineering, sea kayaking and general badassery in the southernmost portion of South America. Including travel and incidental expenses. With enough left over to spend a month or two sightseeing (degenerately partying?) your way back to the U.S. from Chili at a nice, leisurely pace.

-You could buy 10,416.7 school lunches in Arizona. (And presumably elsewhere)

-You could buy 1,000 tickets to the upcoming Sacramento Mountain Lions game against the Hartford Colonials, and donate them to local schools. Or set fire to em, what do I care? They’re your tickets. (Go Molos!)

-You could have Puck, of Real World “fame” appear at 40 of your events. (As of September 2009. By now I bet you could get him to for a couple of those school lunches and a low flow toilet)

-You could buy 20,000 tacos from El Grullo in Redwood City, Ca. (Totally reasonable. Salsa roja y verde, mucho cebollas y cilantro)

-You could rent this yacht, fully stocked, for 8 hours. This includes the Platinum Buffet for 100 of your closest friends. (plus the roasted top sirloin and carver, cause you spare no expense)

-You could feed 285.7 starving El Salvadorian children for a full year. (Or Korean children, Haitian children, Indonesian children, Ugandan children, Nicaraguan, etc . . . . )

Or you could buy one (1!!!) ticket to the World Series, Rangers Vs. Giants, Game 1, Premium Field Club 108, Row B, behind the visitors dugout, from this guy.

Face value for Premium Club Level seats to the World Series according to sfgiants.com?

$300.

And, if I’m reading stubhub correctly, this S.O.B. has a dozen of them.

As a libertarian, I respect this guys right to sell his seats for however much he can get. “Stuff” is worth exactly what people are willing to pay for it. Not a penny more, not a penny less.

As a human being, I hope he respects my right to hope he gets hit by a truck, and spends six months in traction.

Hey I get it, The Giants are in the World Series for just the third time in my life. I would pay well over face value in order to attend what could be a once in a lifetime event (just ask a Cubs fan).

I’d pay double,or even treble, face value, in order to watch my beloved black and orange heros play in The Fall Classic.
And heck, I can understand people even paying double or triple that.

But 66.67 times face value?

You’re reserving a special place in Hell for yourself there, you greedy prick. Or at the very least guaranteeing yourself a really long stay in Purgatory.

I suppose, on the other hand, it could be worse.

You know what else costs $20,000?

A single personal appearance by Snooki.

About Lindol

Born and raised in the Bay Area, Educated in Upstate New York, Western Oregon, North West Washington D.C. and the Sonoran Desert. Basking in the afterglow of a 138 day, 22,000 mile road trip across the U.S.A. I suddenly and unexpectedly find myself a Sacramentarean. . . . lindol@gmail.com, lindol22 on twitter.

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Posted by on Oct 27 2010. Filed under Humor, SMT Talk. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

1 Comment for “A Whole Lotta Cheese”

  1. J.S. Maguire

    cheese.

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